200+ engaging long-distance relationship questions

So, my husband and I met on a phone app. We were separated for almost a year before we even lived in the same country, so the foundation of much of our relationship began completely online. We had to figure out our entire relationship and compatibility basically over video call and texting, which can be super stressful. These are some of the long-distance relationship questions we asked each other, and the questions we suggest others ask to assess compatibility, build trust and get to know each other.

These questions are separated by category and are great for really getting to know your partner, regardless of the distance.

Long-distance relationship questions: Personality & values

1. What would you say is the most important thing to you in your life?
2. How do you define success, and when do you think you’ll think of yourself as “successful”?
3. Who is somebody you admire, either in media or in your personal life, and what about them do you look up to you and respect?
4. What makes somebody a “good person”?
5. Do you think good people sometimes do bad things, or does doing bad things make you a bad person in general?
6. What is your personality type?
7. How driven are you? Is it important that your partner is as driven as you are, and will it hurt your relationship if they aren’t?
8. Would you rather be happy or successful?
9. What are your thoughts on traditional gender roles? How does the concept of gender and gender expression impact your identity and your relationships?
10. Do you think people change over time, or generally stay the same? Have you changed over time, or are you pretty much the same as you were five, ten, fifteen years ago? How have you changed?
11. What’s your favorite thing to talk about, and you can talk about it endlessly?

Long-distance relationship questions: Family

1. How close is your family? How close were you growing up, and how often do you communicate with them now?
2. What role does your family have in your decision making?
3. Who are you closest to in your family? How often do you talk with them?
4. What are some of the family traditions that you had growing up? Do you still do them now?
5. Who do you admire most in your family and why? In what ways have a shaped who you are?
6. Who would you say have the biggest influence on you growing up?
7. Who would you say your most similar to in your family?
8. What is something you wish had been different in your childhood?
9. Who is your closest friend? What do you appreciate about that person?
10. How often do you see your family? Do you call them often, or not really?
    
    

Long-distance relationship questions: Relationships

1. How do you know you’re in love? Have you ever been in love before?
2. What’s your ideal date night?
3. What is your “love language” and how do you show love versus feel loved?
4. What are you looking for in a partner?
5. How do you like to spend time together? How important is it to spend time apart?
6. What is a healthy role of jealousy in relationships?
7. Would you ever go to couples counseling? Why or why not?

Long-distance relationship questions: Lifestyle

1. How do you spend your free time?
2. What are the things that you must enjoy, and what do you hate doing?
3. Are you fairly clean, or would you consider yourself a messy person? Do you value cleanliness and order, or you do not really notice or care if things are messy?
4. How important are health and fitness to you? Do you go to the gym?
5. Is it important to you that your partner is physically active?
6. what is your approach to chores and daily activities?
7. Do you want to settle down, or do you want to move around?
8. How important is your career to you?
9. What are the routines you absolutely can’t do without on a daily basis?
10. Do you enjoy traveling? Why or why not?
11. Where you do you want to travel most in the world?
12. What’s your favorite book?
13. What’s your favorite TV series?
14. How important is it to you to keep learning, even after school? What are your favorite ways to learn new information?
15. What would you say are your biggest hobbies, and is it important that your partner enjoys your hobbies?
    
    

Long-distance relationship questions: Morality & ethics

1. What role does honesty have in a relationship?
2. Do you believe that people should be able to have their own secrets in relationships?
3. What is your perspective on sharing phones, passwords, computer login with your partner? Do you think it’s an overreach, or a reasonable display of trust?
4. Have you ever cheated? Have you ever been cheated on?
5. What are your biggest dealbreakers in relationships?
6. Could you ever forgive a cheater? Why or why not?
7. Do you think stealing or lying are ever justified? Why or why not?
   
   

Long-distance relationship questions: Kids

1. Do you want kids? How many?
2. If you do want kids, why? If you don’t, why not?
3. Could you ever adopt?
4. What kind of parenting did you experience in your childhood that you want to emulate? What kind of parenting do you want to avoid based on how your parents raised you?
5. What kind of religion do you want to expose your children to, if any at all?
6. What kind of education system do you want for your children?
7. If for some reason you couldn’t have kids, would you consider adoption?
8. Are kids a dealbreaker in your relationship?
9. What do you think are some of the biggest mistakes parents make when raising their children?
10. How long do you wanna wait to have kids? How are you know when you’re ready to have kids?
11. Who are some parents that you know that are role models for great parenting? What makes them role models in your eyes?
    
    

Long-distance relationship questions: Religion & beliefs

1. How important is religion to you?
2. Do you think there’s only one right religion, or many?
3. What do you think happens after we die? How confident are you in your answer?
4. How has your faith shaped your life and personality?
5. Could you be with someone from a different religion?
6. Do aliens exist?

What questions do you ask in a long-distance relationship?

Technically, you could ask anything that you would ask in a regular relationship. I actually think that long-distance relationships are an amazing opportunity to get to know somebody you could with an impersonal relationship because you don’t have all the distractions of everyday life. This gives you an amazing opportunity to really know the person’s character and who they are on a much deeper level.

That being said, I also think that long distance relationships can be tricky because you’re really relying on what the person says, not who they actually are. For example, somebody could say that they are the nicest person in the entire world, that they value kindness and generosity, and have a knack an amazing character and temperament. But then, when you finally meet them in real life, and the relationship starts becoming real and in person, you might notice that they’re not quite as generous as they said.

Maybe they’re a lot more short-tempered and unfriendly than they let on. Everybody wants to put their best foot forward, so when asking these questions, ask for specific examples and instances of them demonstrating the characteristics that they say. And, keep in mind, if they are completely forthcoming with all of their positive characteristics, and none of their negative, you may want to take that with a grain of salt.

How do you keep a conversation going in a long distance relationship?

I’ll be the first to admit, keeping in a relationship going long distance can be really difficult. You don’t realize exactly how much of a relationship is based on shared experiences and memories. How do you keep a relationship going when you don’t have those things? When you don’t live in the same area or interact with the same people, a lot of your relationship ends up being just recounting the day’s events and talking about the same things repeatedly. It can be a little bit depressing sometimes.

That being said, it doesn’t have to be that way. You can go on “dates” together, play games together, watch movies together, listen to each other’s favorite podcasts or read each other’s favorite books. You can find ways to engage and connect with each other and keep things interesting.

Questions to ask before starting a long distance relationship

I personally don’t think there are any questions you need to ask before starting a long-distance relationship, besides the obvious “getting to know you” questions that we all ask. Relationships are all about getting to know the other person, and statistically, the majority of relationships won’t work out in the long term. Which is natural and totally fine.

What are some deep relationship questions?

Every question can be deep or shallow depending on your approach. If you or your partner are giving one-word answers, or seem disinterested, it’s going to be hard to build a relationship long-distance, and it may not be the style of communication for you and your partner.

I personally don’t think that long-distance relationships are for everybody, because some of us simply can’t find the motivation to get to know somebody who isn’t physically in the same room. I know that sounds bad, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing necessarily. It’s just how some people are. They struggle with the idea of getting to know somebody over the phone.



I’ll be honest, I was like this to a certain extent. I can only video call for so many hours before I just didn’t want to do it anymore. Thankfully, my husband is very patient and engaging. But I do know from experience that online relationships are not for everybody. So, whether or not the question is “deep” or not isn’t necessarily about the question per se, but about the approach. If somebody just does not want to dive into a topic, it doesn’t matter if you’re talking about your favorite soda or whether or not aliens exist (they do). You won’t get an interesting conversation out of it if both people are not equally engaged.

Try and engage your partner in open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” in order to get a complete answer. And, additionally, avoid interrogating your partner. I know it’s tempting to want to engage in a conversation which can be very stressful if your entire relationship is online, but nobody likes to feel like they are being interrogated pressured into answering questions they aren’t interested in answering.

Read our other articles on maintaining a healthy long distance relationship, and share below what long distance relationship questions to ask your partner👇