Romance scams red flags – 10 warning signs 🚩

So you met an adorable new guy online, possibly from Morocco or some other distant country, maybe while traveling. He seems sweet and genuine, but you’re not sure because you’ve heard some horror stories about immigration and visa scams. What are the signs that your new love interest is genuine? How do you recognize red flags in Morocco men?

Side note: Please keep in mind the fact that relationships are incredibly complicated. All of the blame for relationships not working out is not put on one person, one set of people, one nationality, or one set of characteristics. We also have articles about exploitive relationships with other dynamics, but that’s not what this one is about. This one is specifically about romance scams, red flags, or signs they may not have genuine feelings for the person they are pursuing.

Every single person on the planet has red flags. I have them, you have them, literally everybody has them. However, there’s no excuse for collecting red flags, particularly in high-risk long-distance relationships. If you see these behaviors in the man or woman you are talking to, seriously reevaluate your relationship and maybe ask some trusted people in your life what they think. It’s easy to get blinded by love. Wisdom is so important in protecting yourself from being hurt, taken advantage of, or wasting years of your life.

Note: our perspective is mostly from Morocco because that’s where we live and that’s the situation that I’ve seen the most. This information can apply to most relationships from around the world, particularly in the Middle East North Africa region, like Tunisia, Algeria, and Egypt.

🚩 Romance scams red flags #1: he asks for money

If there was ever a red flag, this is the reddest of all the red flags. And this is not just relationships amongst foreigners, this is domestic as well. If the man or woman you are talking to you ever, ever asks for money, particularly when you just met, run. Don’t stop running.

Moroccan men are proud. They have a strong sense of masculinity. No self-respecting Moroccan man would ever, ever, ever ask anyone he seriously wanted a relationship with for money. Not an American woman, not a foreigner, not an alien from space. Even if he were desperate, he would ask every single friend, associate, relative across the world before he’d ask you.

Keep in mind, however, men can ask for money without actually asking for money. If he’s constantly lamenting his financial situation, if he complains that his sister’s brother’s cousin needs money for surgery, if he’s complaining that his phone is getting turned off because of lack of funds, these are ways of asking without asking.

The local economy is terrible. Trust me. I live here; I see it every day. However, it’s not bad enough to ask strangers for money. Especially ones you want to date. If he honestly wants a relationship with you, wouldn’t he put his best financial foot forward? Wouldn’t he show you how he’s trying his hardest? Do not trust a man that will ask for money, directly or indirectly.

🚩 Romance scams red flags #2: he says “I love you” or talks about marriage right away

Dating in a Muslim country is different from dating in the western world. They do tend to have different ways of approaching the concept of dating, and it does honestly tend to move a lot faster than we do in the United States or other non-Muslim places. However, this is not an excuse for him to be pushing you to get married right away.

Him telling you that he loves you despite not knowing you for very long is something that we call “love bombing” and it’s a manipulation tactic used to get you into a relationship much faster than you should be comfortable with. The woman will think, “wow, I must be really special, I must be unique because he sees something in me, and he loves me so quickly“.

But the reality is he knows that he can influence your behavior faster if he gets you to feel stronger feelings for him sooner. You’re likely to visit faster, likely to commit faster, likely to start the visa immigration process faster. Be mindful of love bombing, and don’t be fooled into thinking that it’s more than it actually is.

🚩 Romance scams red flags #3: constantly badmouths or belittles women from his country

Don’t get me wrong, everybody has their own personal preferences about their attraction, and the kind of women that they are interested in. But, if your suitor can’t explain why he’s interested in foreigners without trashing the women of his own country, that’s a red flag.

🚩 Romance scams red flags #4: makes tons of excuses

Life happens to all of us! But, if your man constantly has an excuse for everything, that’s a red flag. He can’t work because the economy is bad, he can’t go to school because it’s too far away, he can’t call you because X, Y, Z? Many parts of the world are hard places to live, but there’s a point where all they’re giving is excuses? That’s not good.

Being from a country with a poor economy like Morocco is not an excuse to not try. Yes, the economy is bad, but millions and millions of people are also working. There are jobs. Not even trying is not a good sign.

Be careful of him saying things like, “I can’t find a job here, but I’m going to work really hard once I get to [insert your country here]”. Empty promises are useless. If he can’t find work, what is he doing to improve himself and his skills in the meantime? Is he learning a trade, learning skills online, becoming more marketable somehow? Or is he sitting at the cafe, hanging out with his buddies, and expecting other people to foot the bill?

🚩 Romance scams red flags #5: he doesn’t care about having kids/says he doesn’t want them

Family is everything in Morocco. Moroccan & North African men are often taught that the most important thing in life is starting a family. If he’s quick to dismiss the idea of family, claims he doesn’t want kids, or doesn’t even seem to need to think about it, that’s a red flag. 🚩

Don’t get me wrong, Moroccan men are not a monolith, and not wanting children is not necessarily a red flag. He may genuinely not want them. But, the majority do.

🚩 Romance scams red flags #6: compromises too much or not at all

Every single relationship requires compromise. It requires empathizing and understanding with your partner. However, there’s a sweet spot when it comes to compromise that can’t be ignored when considering a long-distance relationship.

If your Moroccan partner does all the compromising, never challenges you on anything, completely disregards his religion and culture in order to make you happy, this is a red flag. This is him trying to make you feel happy. This is not establishing the basis of a strong and stable long-term relationship.

He can’t live with this forever but forever isn’t his goal. He’s just making you happy until he gets what he wants and then he will put his foot down about these things as an excuse to end the relationship. “Suddenly” things like “respectful clothing” or “having male friends” or drinking and smoking or other things that he was quick to compromise on becomes extremely important, and he leaves.

On the flip side of this, if he does none of the compromising and expects you to do every single ounce of compromising, this is him just setting you up to fail in the future. If he doesn’t care about your culture, doesn’t respect your religion, isn’t interested in your hopes and dreams. Why are you even with this person?

🚩 Romance scams red flags #7: he won’t change his relationship status on social media, or his social media has tons of foreign women on it

In Islam, and in many cultures, there’s something called “the evil eye“, which prevents a lot of Muslims from engaging much on social media for fear of jealousy or envy sabotaging their relationships. I believe this, and I know this to be a real thing. But, it is not an excuse to completely invalidate your relationship on social media. If your boyfriend is comfortable posting selfies every other day, but isn’t interested in acknowledging your relationship publicly, that’s a red flag.

Is your man going to lengths to hide you or his relationship status? That’s a red flag. If it’s important for him to appear single on his social media, that’s a red flag. Do lots of foreigners or even local women interact with his pictures, leaving heart emojis and other cutesy things? That’s a red flag. Social media is not the most important aspect of a relationship, but its importance in the modern age cannot be understated or disregarded.

Even if he has legitimate reasons for not wanting to be “in a relationship” with you on social media, for family or religious reasons, there’s absolutely no reason he shouldn’t at least put himself as “in a relationship” or otherwise indicate that he has taken.

Even Muslim men who are married to Muslim women who don’t show themselves on social media for religious reasons will indicate themselves as “married”. There’s NO reason he cannot do likewise unless you’re not the only person he’s talking to.

 

To add to this, if he has a ton of foreigners who are constantly interacting with his content, there should be a big conversation as to why. It calls into question his priorities, as well as his commitment. This isn’t just a red flag for Moroccan men, but any man. They will often have girls they are interested in on their social media when they are single, but that should change once he is committed to one person (hopefully you).

Any shady or suspicious behavior should be treated as such. Don’t let things slide that you wouldn’t accept in your own culture.

🚩 Romance scams red flags #8: huge age gaps

This is definitely a controversial one because age gaps don’t necessarily have to be that big of a deal. Especially when it comes to maturity, life experience, and other factors. But, for many, the idea of vastly different ages can be a red flag, regardless of who is older. It tends to be more socially acceptable for the man to be significantly older.

Many Moroccan men won’t care, and this won’t be a red flag. But some will, and that should be a serious conversation between you and your partner. Often family will have opinions about this, and may not be as readily accepting of large age gaps.

🚩 Romance scams red flags #9: ghosting/disappearing for stretches of time

If your Moroccan boyfriend periodically disappears for random, large stretches of time with no explanation or makes weak excuses, that’s a red flag. Wi-Fi is everywhere here, and phone service is not very expensive at all. If he makes excuses about being unable to communicate with you but never warns you about it, or otherwise is acting sketchy, that’s not good.

Depending on where he lives, some rural cities are less connected and Wi-Fi and signal are less common. However, this is changing quickly and most places will have decent reception. If he lives in Casablanca or Rabat, for example, he should have no excuse as the reception is on par with the United States and other nations.

🚩 Romance scams red flags #10: not introducing you to family

As mentioned earlier, family is extremely important to the average Moroccan. It’s one of my favorite things about the culture, honestly. However, if your boyfriend or fiancé is telling you that he’s not ready for you to meet his family. That’s one of the big red flags for Moroccan men.

Feel free to comment below and share your own red flags, experiences, and insights!