My AirPods were stolen and I will never financially recover

Listen, I don’t like to complain. Sometimes I have to because if I don’t, nobody will, and we can’t have that. But I don’t enjoy it. It’s not my passion, not my hobby. However, today is a day where I AM going to complain, because terrible atrocities have been committed, against me specifically, and I cannot and will not remain silent any longer.

My AirPods were stolen.

No, not just AirPods. AirPod Pros. Yeah, the big boys. The beefy, expensive ones. They were not just a purchase, they were an investment. I was going to sell them in 30 years and pay for 20 minutes of my child’s college (or trade school, no judgments). They weren’t just part of my tech gear, they were part of my financial portfolio. And now they’re GONE.

My one and only mistake in this situation where I am the sole victim could possibly have been when I failed to realize they were gone for two weeks before I noticed. That one is on me. But here’s the thing about AirPod Pros: while they are a solid long-term financial opportunity for future gains and profits, they are not exactly “comfortable” or “usable on a regular basis”. I only use them at the gym and on airplanes. The noise-canceling gives me vertigo. But that doesn’t mean I want them STOLEN.

Imagine my surprise when my husband and I decide to go to the gym, because I love the gym*. AirPod Pros? Gone. Nowhere to be found.

So I frantically open my Find My app, and there they are! And the sneaky thief had been using them as of this very afternoon. I hadn’t seen them in over two weeks, so I know they must be charging them. The battery life just isn’t that good (I’m starting to question my initial purchase, but that is a problem for another time).

But wait.

Wait a minute.

The AirPods are in TWO. SEPARATE. NEIGHBORHOODS.

I have so many questions. How? Why? Did they steal them and are using one ear in different locations? Was it two thieves who divvied up the loot? At this point, I want answers as much as I want my AirPods back.

I mean, I also want my AirPods back.

So we set off to the TWO SEPERATE LOCATIONS in hot pursuit of the goods. Sadly, we probably won’t make it to the gym, which is really unfortunate because I was looking forward to it*.

We get to the first location, and it’s at the local university. I’ve never been to this university, so this is weird. We ask all the local businesses if they’ve seen or heard of the Airpods. At one point I hear the “Find My AirPods” alarm going off so I accuse the suspicious and shifty line cook. I was like, “We hear the alarm, chap! The jig is up!” But it turned out that was just his oven. Also, I was speaking in North Africa to someone who only speaks Arabic. So I don’t think he understood me at all. That was a little embarrassing. Maybe I made two mistakes.

Anyway, we go to the location of the second Pod after no luck with the first. This time we were taken to a men’s cafe, so my husband walked in while I weirdly waited outside, scouring the ground like a deranged animal. Once again, no luck. So basically, my AirPod Pros are gone. If you happen to see one or two presumably loose AirPod Pros within Kénitra, Morocco, enjoy them. Love them as I never fully did. May your vertigo be mild.

*no